


Things Change

by Firethekitty



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Badass bill, Bill has a lisp, BillDip, Here we go, Human bill, M/M, but I think I'll change that in later chapters, depends how much you want it lol, didnt think I'd ever do this but, employee bill, for now it's pretty tame, might be sexual things, whoa dinosaurs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2014-09-23
Packaged: 2018-02-14 04:51:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2178606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firethekitty/pseuds/Firethekitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bill Cipher, one of the most powerful demons on Earth, loses his powers due to a spur-of-the-moment attempt to save his new infatuation, Dipper, from a violent and messy nightmare. He is sentenced to living as a human, and decides to work at the Mystery Shack. But, will the Pine's family ever trust him enough?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Dream

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I honestly didn't think I'd ever ship this kind of pairing, let alone write a fanfiction of it, but here we are. Criticism is welcome, as long as it's not too harsh. 
> 
> I'd like to become a better author, so this is practice I suppose. 
> 
> Also, Kuro-love on tumblr helped me a lot with this fanfiction, so go give her some love :3
> 
> The characters are probably going to be pretty ooc, but I'll try

Chapter 1. The Dream

 

Mud sloshed beneath Dipper's black sneakers as he crept around the dark forest. It seemed endless, and he could swear someone was watching him. It was deathly silent, the only sounds came from himself. He paused, scanning the trees in front of him. He saw a flash of bright yellow behind a thick oak tree, and decided to investigate. He finally got out of the mud that had been dirtying up his shoes for who knows how long, and searched up and down for the creature he saw. He found nothing. Did he imagine it?

As he turned around to resume his original path, he was met with darkness. Pure darkness, not a tree nor shrub to be seen. He stuck his hand into the shadows; his hand seeming to disappear from his wrist. The only available path lay ahead of him. And so, he turned back around and ventured forth once again.

 

Bill, the creature who Dipper almost caught watching him, hovered above the fake forest. He was oddly fascinated by the human, his looks churning something deep inside him he didn't even know he had. Just a few weeks ago, Bill promised the Pine twins, and the whole rest of them, that he'd be watching. In his rage of being bested by some measly human beings, he told his demon affiliates to pay the family a little 'visit' in their dreams every night.

Watching this boy, though, he started to regret what he had told the others. There was something so amazing about him, something that made Bill almost wish he were a human himself; no, that would be ridiculous. A powerful demon like himself, stooping that low? Unheard of. He shook the thoughts away, resuming his observations.

Bill noticed something move on the other side of his forest-maze. Another dream demon, a star, thinking up some truly terrible ways to mess with this dream Dipper.

He weighed his options. Perhaps he could talk his buddies out of screwing around with Dipper and Mabel for the rest of their lives, but that would cost Bill his powers, for sympathy is unheard of in the spectral world, and seen as weak. If he lost his powers, he would be sentenced to living his life as a human being. No more telepathy, no more immortality, and definitely no more temporal manipulation. But maybe, just maybe, if he were to turn into a human, he could befriend this new infatuation.

As he thought, his friend certainly did as well. When Bill glanced over at him, he saw the other demon conjure up some very sharp and very threatening knives. He knew that was around tier 1 on the awful scale for demons, and if he didn't do something, it was only going to get worse for the Pine's family. He teleported over to the other, shielding Dipper just before the knives pierced his chest. The star sat in stunned silence, before sputtering out Gibberish in outrage.

"Bill?! What on **EARTH** are you doing?" He managed to blurt out, not noticing the boy quickly dart off into another part of the endless maze, unable to process the events that just took place before him.

The star yelled at Bill for a few moments before letting him explain his actions.

"Alright, you might as well know the truth, Starry," he said, knowing he'll never be able to use that ridiculous nickname again. "I, uh.. Don't think I'm cut out for the whole 'demon' business thing, y'know?" he spoke awkwardly, feeling quite embarrassed.

"Bill, don't be ridiculous. We've been in 'business' together for years." The star calmed down, his single eye dilating to normal size. He paused before speaking again. "Do you want to lose your powers?" He said in a questioning voice. He soon put two and two together. "To be with **these** puny humans?"

Bill thought. Did he want to lose his powers? No. But he did want to be with Dipper. He was just so fascinated with him, so infatuated with him. Was he really going to give up being one of the strongest creatures on Earth, just to be with some kid who probably hated him? He thought hard. The actions he took before was just such a spur of the moment thing. But, now that he proved that he was in fact a 'weakling' to the star, there was no turning back.

"I guess I do," he said, giving one last look at his twig-thin black arms. "But, can I have one last request? Come on bud, you'd help me."

The star rolled his eye.

"Fine. What is it?" He finally asked.

"Well, if I'm going to be a human, I want all of you guys to leave the Pine's family alone. Forever." he spoke directly, making sure he was heard loud and clear. The other thought for awhile. Finally, he ignited his own black hand with a bright blue flame.

"It's a deal." He offered his hand to Bill.

Trying not to let his emotions show, he extended his arm, for one last time, before everything went dark.


	2. Dipper Wakes a Up, and Bill gets a Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper wakes up after the whole dream fiasco, and wonders what just happened. Meanwhile, Bill is dropped off in the middle of the woods, looking very snappy might I add. At least the star did something nice for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys just made my week with your compliments. Seriously, I couldn't be more happy.
> 
> This chapter is split into three parts. This one is a bit slowl but I promise in the next chapter we'll get some Bill trying to be a socially acceptable human :)

Part 1. Dipper Wakes Up

 

Dipper wakes up Dipper awoke with a start. He breathed heavily, darting his dark green eyes around his room. He sat up, glancing over at his clock that was only slightly damaged.

4:00 A.M.

He sighed, looking over at his sleeping sister. What just happened? That dream seemed so real, and so strange.

After a few moments of calming down, he rested his head on his pillow. Dipper tried to play back his dream. A forest maze, lots of mud, and a very familiar yellow triangle. That was interesting. Didn't Bill say he was going to 'watch' him? Not save him from a messy death involving knives.

Dipper closed his heavy eyelids, not soon later drifting off into a short, but peaceful nap, with little to no dream demons present.

 

 

 Part 2. Bill Wakes Up

Deep in the woods, a tiny shrew skittered over lanky legs draped in tight black pants. A pale-skinned, blond-haired male lay motionless against a medium-sized birch tree.

He had short blond hair with long bangs that covered his eyes. The male had a strong jawline, that ended with a pointy chin and a scruffy goatee.

Bill groaned as he tried to sit up, not used to the feeling of being sore. A sharp pain jolted across his spine, and his head pounded. Was this what pain was? Bill didn't like it. Before this, any pain he felt as a demon was quickly cured with a flick of the wrist.

He looked around the forest. This must've been what Dipper experienced in that nightmare he had. Suddenly, Bill's heart jumped at the thought of the boy, remembering why he was in this position in the first place. He shakily stood up, attempting to balance on his long, skinny legs. He had no idea where he was, or where the Mystery Shack was. He started walking straight, hoping that he'd reach a clearing sooner or later.

 

 

Part 3. Bill Gets a Break

This wasn't fair. Why did that stupid star drop him off in the middle of nowhere? Bill must've been walking for hours now, probably going in the complete opposite of Gravity Falls.

While walking, Bill thought of his plan to gain their trust. Was he going to make up a whole new identity? Or was he going to spill the beans, and claim that he was trustworthy? The latter seemed less likely to work out in his favor. But, he had nothing left to lose, right?

Amidst his wandering, the sun started to rise. Finally, Bill could see at least a few feet in front of him. He surveyed the thicket. Looking around him, Bill saw a shack. Not just any shack, but the Mystery Shack. He brightened up, and quickly strolled over.

He stepped up to the door and hesitated. This was happening. He was going to try to work here, along with Dipper and Mabel and the whole rest of them, and have some real friends for once. He smiled widely; pushing the bangs out of his face, straightening his black jacket, and knocking on the shack's door.


	3. Thanks, Mabel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Mabel let's Bill inside the Mystery Shack, and Bill tries to be an acceptable human being. I also tried to make the characters as in-character as possible. Let's do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I got another chapter up, and kept my promise of more Bill. You guys are awesome, I didn't think this story would even get one person to like it lol
> 
> This one is a bit longer finally <3

Chapter 3

 

Bill waited. No one answered the door. Do humans not wake up at 6 A.M.?

He awkwardly cleared his throat, and knocked again. Still no answer. He sighed heavily, and was about to turn around before the door opened. A short boy, around a foot shorter than himself, answered the door.

Dipper was unable to stay asleep after the strange incident with the dream demons. He was eating some sugary, marshmallowy cereal when he heard someone knock at the door.

He rubbed his eyes before speaking in a weary voice. "Yeah?"

Bill's heart leapt at the sight. This was it. He had nothing left to lose. "Hey, Pine Tree. I mean, Dipper. Dipper Pines, not Pine Tree," he said extremely awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. This was already going terribly.

Dipper stared up at him, squinting his eyes in disbelief. "What? How do you know my name? Who are you?"

Well, there went any chance of starting up a new life. Bill mentally punched himself.

"Alright Dipper, this is going to sound crazy, but I'm Bill Cipher. I'm sure you remember me from that whole 'Gideon' catastrophe. Basically, I'm not a demon anymore. There's nothing left here." He gestured to his skinny body. "I'm just a normal human being."

Dipper remembered his dream vividly. Bill Cipher, the dream demon, who also saved him from knives. But why did he not have any powers? Why was he standing on the porch of the Mystery Shack? This was dangerous. Dipper thought about shutting the door in his face, but decided against it, as it might've ended in another 'Summerween Trickster'-type issue again. Instead, he needed some help.

"Uh, alright, Bill. You stay here for a minute," he said, before giving Bill a crooked smile and closing the door. He stood in silence for a bit, and walked upstairs to get his sister.

He violently shook Mabel awake.

"Ugh, Dipper. What is it?" She said lazily.

"Okay, this is going to sound weird, but Bill Cipher is here. Remember? That crazy triangle guy? Well, not him, but this guy saying he IS him. Just come with me." He took his sister by the hand and lead her downstairs. When Dipper opened the door, he saw Bill trying to push his golden bangs back so they wouldn't be in his eye.

The sun beamed against his back, allowing Dipper to get a better look at him. He was quite dapper-looking, as he wore a white top with a bright yellow tie and cummerbund. Behind his long, golden bangs, Bill wore a black eyepatch on the left eye. He certainly reminded him of the dream demon. He didn't SEEM dangerous, but what did he know?

"Alright Bill, tell us again how you're not a demon anymore," Dipper demanded. Bill told his story again, leaving out a few embarrassing details; but was all-around quite honest. Save for a few dramatized moments, and some mocked tears. Mabel bought his sympathy, though, and his unintentional, quick pouty-face he gave the twins.

"Aw, poor guy. Come inside and have some of my famous hot chocolate!" She exclaimed, dragging the man inside by his hand, much to Dipper's refusal. "Well, it's not actually famous, but it should be." She continued mumbling as she dragged the male into the Mystery Shack.

Bill sat down on family room chair, sinking deep into the well-used cushions. Dipper pulled Mabel aside.

"Mabel, are you crazy?! We don't even know if he really IS Bill, and if he's dangerous or not!" He tried whispering, but was louder than he wanted to be.

"Who else looks like that? He doesn't even look like a bad guy," she said blissfully before prancing off to make him some hot chocolate. "That's not what I meant!" He shouted at his sister in anger, before sighing heavily. Before he could protest again, Mabel came back over to Bill to sit down on the chair's arm. She gestured for Dipper to sit on the floor in front of them. There was no getting through to her, was there? He stomped over to his new spot; he sat down with a heavy sigh and crossed his arms.

"So Bill, where are ya from?"

"Mabel, he's a demon, remember? Demons don't have parents," Dipper grumbled.

Bill chuckled, folding his hands together politely.

"Well, the middle of the forest after I saved your brother here," he said softly, glancing at Dipper sitting on the filthy Mystery Shack rug. Dipper's eyes widened, remembering why Bill was here in the first place.

"Why DID you save me, anyway?" He questioned, staring at Bill straight into his piercing blue eye. Bill cleared his throat, thinking up a way to lie about his reasons. That never worked.

"Dipper, I saved you and your family from never-ending terrible nightmares, because I love y.." He stopped himself. "Eucalyptus trees! I love them so much I decided to be a human just so I could see them in person."

Nailed it.

Was it getting hot in here? Bill's face grew increasingly warm as he stared back at Dipper. He tried to smile, which showed way too much teeth to even be considered charming.

"Eucalyptus trees? What?" Before either of them could say anything more, the microwave beeped loudly.

"Oh, the hot chocolate is done!" Mabel said merrily, hopping off the chair's arm. The two sat in silence, Dipper staring Bill down with an intense and questioning glare.

Mabel came back with a steaming cup of hot chocolate. Bill mimicked how Mabel held the cup, figuring it was so he wouldn't get 'burned', whatever that was.

"Thanks, shooting star. I mean, Mabel Pines." He gave her another one of his unpleasant smiles and brought the cup up to his lips.

Dipper stood up and dragged his sister aside by her hand. Before Dipper could say anything, a sharp yell came from Bill, who burned his mouth. He stuck out his tongue and started massaging it.

"You're really going to let this guy stay here?"

"Dipper, don't you see? You might finally have someone to be friends with," Mabel said before yawning. "I'm going back to bed. Try and bond with him."

"Poke!" She poked her brother in the side playfully and strolled back upstairs.

"Wait, you're just going to leave me here with him? Mabel!" But she was already gone. Dipper sauntered over to the kitchen table to resume eating his now soggy cereal, without even taking a glimpse at their new guest. He angrily ate his breakfast, looking at anything but the blond-haired male.

His attempt to preoccupy his mind failed quickly, as he thought about his current situation almost immediately. His sister was truly a work of art. He gave Bill a little glance, then looking back to his cereal. He seemed tame enough, but that's exactly what an all-knowing, evil demon would want you to think.

Still, he was quite handsome.

Wait, what?

Dipper's breath hitched at the sudden intrusive thought. What was that about? He was way too tired, that must've been it. But he couldn't go back to bed with this strange man in the shack.

Dipper finished up the rest of his cereal and dumped the bowl in the sink. He'd clean that later, maybe. He walked over to Bill, catching him gulping down the rest of his drink in one sip. Bill quickly put the cup down when he saw the boy.

"Hello, Pine Tree!" He said happily.

"Alright Bill, just what kind of game are you playing here?"

Bill looked around. "Game? I'm not playing any games. Do you want to? I know a few card games."

Dipper sighed. "No, I mean, who do you think you're fooling?"

"Well, your sister seemed pretty fooled!" Bill let out a loud and hearty laugh. He stopped when he saw that Dipper wasn't amused. "I'm joking, Pine Tree. You have to get a sense of humor."

"First of all, my name is Dipper. And second, don't think just because my sister thinks that you're innocent, doesn't mean I do. I'm going to get to the bottom of this."

And with that, Dipper spun around on his heel dramatically and was about to leave when Bill stopped him.

"Wait, Pine - I mean, Dipper! Don't you want to know about Gravity Falls's secrets? I do know lots of things, remember?" Bill chuckled to himself. What a fool the other demons were, dropping him off here with his almost unlimited knowledge. Dipper turned around with wide eyes. "And I'll tell them all to you," he said. "And to get back at that back-stabbing son-of-a-bitch star." He added with a grumble.

Dipper cautiously walked back to Bill. Not noticing any crazy demon-effects, he sat down in front of him.

"You'd do that for me?" Dipper asked.

"Sure, kid. And don't sit on that dirty rug, come sit up here with me." Dipper looked at him questioningly. He got up from his seat on the ground, and sat down hesitantly on the chair's arm.

Bill cleared his throat, inched _just a little bit_ closer to Dipper, and began to speak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *aggresively eats breakfast*


	4. Basic Needs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill faces his first human requirement, and Dipper gets a whole lot of disappointment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all seriously. The feedback on this has been amazing <3 I am having some issues with the story, but I'll figure it out soon. Anyway, have some Billdip bonding in this chapter.
> 
> (Wouldn't really call it bonding actually)

Chapter 4

 

 The two had been conversing for almost an hour, and Dipper was very happy that he had someone to talk to about the mysterious of Gravity Falls; and who better than the all-seeing eye himself.

"...And the Gobblewonker, boy is he something. That guy is a real asshole, let me tell ya," Bill murmured, remembering the Nessie-like creature who lives in the lake.

"Wait, wasn't the Gobblewonker actually that crazy old guy?" Dipper asked.

"Oh, with respect Pine Tree, but that's where you're wrong. You see, the Gobblewonker is real. Old Man McGucket made a fake so you guys wouldn't go searching for him. The guy is nuts. We haven't had a good relationship ever since, you know."

"No, I don't." Dipper leaned in, very interested in what he had to say.

Bill smirked. "You want to know? You want to know the deepest secret of Gravity Falls?"

Dipper's eyes were huge, and he nodded vigorously. "Yes!"

He leaned in close to the boy, whispering in his ear. Bill liked this, being so close to him. "The author of **all three** books is-"

"The hell is going on in here?" Dipper and Mabel's great uncle Stan stood in the doorway. He was wearing his wife beater, the one with several unknown fluid stains present on either side.

Dipper cursed to himself.

He noticed just how close Bill was to him, and hesitantly pushed him aside. He was so unnaturally warm, probably very snugly as well.

What was with these thoughts? He needed to sleep before they got worse. He hoped off the arm of the chair.

"Grunkle Stan, this is Bill. I don't know why he's here, but he is." Stan looked him up and down with an unpleasant scowl. He leaned down to his grandson.

"Do you think he'd work for slightly less than minimum wage?" He whispered.

"He might."

"Hmm, alright carry on." Stan grunted, shuffling into the kitchen for some coffee. Was anyone in this family wary of strangers? Dipper scrambled back up the chair, practically stepping all over Bill to sit back on the arm.

"Okay. Who wrote the journals?"

"You know, I don't think you're ready yet, Pine Tree," Bill said as he got out of the chair. "Maybe later. I think I'm hungry. How do you tell if you're hungry?" Bill quickly changed the subject. Dipper let out a frustrated groan, rubbing his temples. Well, this was the closest he's gotten to finding out the truth. He'd get it out of him sooner or later.

"What do you have in here?" Bill asked, walking over to the pantry.

"Wait, you can't just start living here. Right, Grunkle Stan?"

"Kid, you know I'm barely awake and almost every decision I make is ridiculous. Now go give the new guy a tour." Bill ripped open a bag of chipackers and shoved a handful into his mouth.

"Yeah, Pine Tree. Give the new guy a tour around this wonderful mansion," Bill said with a full mouth, crumbs scattering everywhere. Dipper rolled his eyes, walking right out of the doorway without the male. He quickly followed after.

After the 'tour', which was pretty much Dipper walking into each room and walking back out, Bill sat down on the side of Dipper's bed.

"So, Pine Dipper, what do you want to do?"

"Dude, my sister is sleeping. Come on, I'll show you the balcony. It's not really a balcony, though. It's the roof." Dipper walked out of the room. Bill was about to follow when he noticed a certain red journal sticking out from underneath Dipper's pillow. He cautiously reached for it, opening up to the bookmarked page.

Bill Cipher.

'Can not be real', it read. Bill scoffed. He skimmed over a few more pages before quickly closing it and putting it back under his pillow. Imagine what his buddies would give to find this. He smiled fiendishly. Should he give it to them? Probably. Would he? He just couldn't.

Bill stood up, creeping out of the room. Dipper was climbing up the secret ladder to the roof. Bill was about to follow him up when the boy missed a step and tumbled down into Bill's arms. The look he gave Bill was one of pure embarrassment. It was fantastic.

Bill stood giggling at Dipper's clumsiness while the boy squirmed in his arms. Dipper blushed, trying to get away from the male; and promptly fell face-first onto the floor.

"Graceful."

Dipper pouted, which was pretty adorable, and tried again. He made it this time. After a few twists and turns, the two stood on the side of the roof. Bill sat down, his legs dangling off the edge.

"This is nice," Bill said. He never took the time to appreciate views like this when he was a demon. Dipper sat down next to him, shivering from the cool morning air. To his left, however, it was like a furnace. Dipper tried to subtly inch his way closer to Bill so he'd be warmer. The two sat in silence for a few minutes. Dipper fought to stay awake, but failed. Bill looked over at Dipper.

"What do you want to do now?" He nudged the other, who was slumped over on his side. "Hey kid, wake up." Dipper groaned, sitting back up.

"Want to.. Sleep or something?" How does one sleep?

Dipper nodded, closing his eyes again. "No, I mean... Not right here." Bill was just so warm. Dipper felt his mind get foggy as he drifted off to sleep, slumping over to his side into Bill. His entire body radiated heat, making Dipper feel like he was next to a fireplace. Bill cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. He inched over to Dipper to fill the little space between them. This was pretty sudden, but he didn't complain. Bill went red when he looked down at the boy.

As much as he liked this, he'd rather put Dipper back in his bed then be caught cuddling with him.

Bill stood, and scooped the boy up in his arms. He expertly climbed down the stairs and closed the hatch. Dipper was still limp in his arms. He entered their room and plopped the boy down on his bed. He ignored the journal, and left the room to go downstairs.

Bill resumed eating his chipackers by Grunkle Stan, who was reading the newspaper.

"Hey Stan, is it alright if I work here? No one seems to mind."

"Yeah, sure."

"And live here? Preferably in the secret room. I'll buy my own food, so you don't have to spend money on me."

"Yeah, sure. Wait, how do you know that there's a secret room in here?" Bill froze.

"Uh, lucky guess?" Stan eyed him, before shrugging and going back to his newspaper. Bill crept out of the family room with his chipackers. Phew, he just narrowly avoided that one. It was enough that Dipper knew he was the eye of providence, let alone Stan. He sauntered into the secret room, which had the keys hanging on the doorknob. Bill closed the door behind him and plopped down onto the dusty couch. Who knew this would be this simple? Humans sure are easy to get around.

Bill ate another handful of the snack. His eyelids seemed heavy. What was this? 'Drowsiness'? How do humans deal with all of these requirements? He out the package down on the floor and rolled on his side. He closed his eyes, drifting off into a short nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chipackers! The chip-flavored crackers.


	5. Something Stirs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's happening in the old abandoned railway?

Under the rubble that was once an old church, the summer heat melts massive piles of sap that enclose giant beasts that are thought to be extinct. An entirely different world lay underneath our very feet, housing creatures of size and ferocity we cannot even fathom. Way down under the building, the sticky sap slowly uncovers an impressively-sized raptor, one that could easily have you as a snack.

It wiggles it's head out of the substance, letting out a deafening screech of savagery. It lashes and thrashes it's head around as it struggles to escape the tree sap.

Much later, the beast can wriggle its tiny arms around freely; clawing at the viscid material with its giant talons. Of course, this is only a small dinosaur compared to the king of all carnivorous beasts. The entire town is completely unaware of the nightmare that is about to be unleashed if all of the reptiles were to be freed. The journal can only answer so many issues, the rest is up to your own intelligence.

But what can a few measly humans do?


	6. Into Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Pines go into town to get some supplies, and Bill may have bitten off a little more than he can chew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow guys, I never thought that this fic would get as popular as it is. Your support is amazing! Thanks so much <33

Bill woke up after a few hours. He stretched and stood up, feeling quite refreshed, and exited the room. He popped into the family room, seeing the twins, still in their pajamas, playing a board game with.. Was that a pig?

"Yellow," Bill greeted as he sat down beside Dipper. The boy gave him a very quick, crooked smile, remembering that the man had put him back in his bed before.

"Hey Bill, how're liking it here?" Mabel asked, moving her game piece up the board four spaces.

"It's just wonderful. Thank you both for letting me stay here."

"Not all of us **agreed** to that," Dipper mumbled under his breath, rolling the dice in his hand. Waddles came up behind Bill and jumped onto his back, nibbling his ear.

"WHY IS THERE A PIG ON ME."

Mabel laughed, pulling Waddles off of the other. "That means he likes you," Mabel said, patting the pig on the head.

"A little **too** much, don't you think?"

"Kids! We're going out shopping. And by going out, I mean driving you into town and giving you money. Now go get changed," Grunkle Stan called, having barely moved from his seat in the kitchen.

"Whoosh! I win!" Mabel yelled, flipping the entire game board over, pieces falling everywhere. She stood up and ran upstairs giggling, without cleaning up.

"Not fair," Dipper sighed, picking up the game supplies. Bill helped, scooping up the pieces and cards. "Thanks," Dipper murmured after Bill cleaned up and gave the box to him. Bill smiled with too little teeth this time. Dipper playfully cringed, laughing at how ridiculous he looked. "We're gonna have to teach you some things."

"Like what?"

"First, you need to learn how to smile. And then you need to get a haircut." Dipper playfully flipped Bill's long bangs to the side before storing the board game away. Bill smirked, the boy seemed to be getting used to him. Dipper went upstairs to change, leaving Bill and Grunkle Stan alone.

"Want me to get anything?"

"Anything you want, but understand me buddy," Stan stood up, looking directly into Bill's eye. "If you do anything to the kids, I will know, and I will personally rip your head off your body. Got it?" Bill nodded, actually feeling quite intimidated.

"Trust me, I won't hurt them," Bill said with shaky breath. Soos, the shack's handyman, entered the room.

"Hey dudes. Who's this?" Soos asked, reaching for a bag of chips out of the pantry.

"I'm Bill, the new employee. I think," Bill replied, giving him a crooked smile.

"We're going shopping since there's nothing to eat and I don't want to be held responsible for killing the new guy. Soos, go tell the kids that were ready to go."

 

 

Stan gave the twins $20 each. "Alright, I'll be back at around 5:00 P.M. Remember, don't steal anything unless it's tiny and expensive." The two nodded. Soos held Mabel on his shoulders as they paraded towards the toy store cheering. Bill stood awkwardly, watching the two leave without a word.

"I guess that leaves you and me, huh?" Bill said, going to nudge the boy. Dipper wasn't there. "Pine Tree? Where'd ya go? Oh god, I'm gonna lose him and Stan will rip my stomach open and bathe in my-"

"Dude, I'm right here, calm down. I was going to the book store," Dipper said, who was adding up the money Stan gave him and his already existing cash.

"Oh. Okay. Let's go there then," he mumbled, embarrassed. Dipper began walking towards the store, with Bill trailing behind him.

"So uh, what books do you like?" Bill said, sprinting up to the boy.

"Mystery and fantasy," Dipper replied. Bill hummed, sneaking off when he noticed money sticking out of a man's pocket. He tiptoed up behind him, pulling out the 20 dollar bill. He crept away, pocketing the cash. He caught back up to Dipper, looking back at the guy he stole from. A giant, muscly red-haired brute was sitting with his children. Bill thanked God he wasn't caught, or else he'd be blasted out of existence.

The two entered the book store, and Dipper went straight for the mystery section. The book store also had a little bakery in the front, with a few tables.

"Alright Dipper, meet me back here I guess," Bill called out, realizing he was talking to no one. He eyed the bakery, seeing some tasty-looking doughnuts laid out. He noticed that no one was working the bakery for the moment, so Bill crept over and stole one of the sprinkled doughnuts. He sneaked back over to the table and stuffed his face with sugary delight. He couldn't help but groan with pleasure as the delicious pastry filled his taste buds with happiness. This certainly made up for the other human-troubles Bill faced before. Dipper returned with a few books under his arm, eyeing Bill like he was nuts.

"What's going on over here?"

"Ohohoho, Tree Pine, you HAVE to taste this!" He said, gesturing for the boy to sit in front of him. Dipper walked over, putting his books on the side.

"But you bit it already."

"Is that bad? Will it give you a disease?" Bill faltered, looking quite ashamed that he almost gave the boy an illness.

"It's not like that. It's just, better that I have my own," Dipper said, rubbing the back of his neck. "How much are those anyway?" Bill stared at Dipper, slowly swallowing.

"Uh.. At least $5."

"You didn't even pay for that, did you?"

"It was free."

Dipper sighed, standing up from the table. "Is there anyone even here?" He looked around, scratching his head. Bill moaned again, drooling all over the table.

"Holy shit Pine Tree, if this is what a free doughnut tastes like, I really want to try what you call 'quality dining'!"

"Hey kid, want me to steal those for you?" Bill asked a after his food-induced orgasm.

"Bill, no."

"No one is here. Remember what Stan said? It's not illegal if there aren't any cops around."

"I'm not stealing these. I'll put them away and come back later. Don't you need some stuff? There's a department store around here," Dipper said, strolling back over to the shelves.

"Yeah, I need comfy blankies, normal clothes, and more of these doughnuts," Bill replied loud enough so the boy would hear him, taking another bite of his snack.

The two walked over to the store. Bill bought some blankets, t-shirts, and may have stolen some nice-smelling soaps. The group met back up in the center of town; Mabel bought several packets of stickers and a tiny sweater for Waddles. Dipper finally got his books, and Soos bought some toy chickens. Grunkle Stan drove the group back to the Mystery Shack.

Bill made the couch in the secret room his temporary bed, and tried on his new clothes: a simple black t-shirt and shorts that were a bit too short. Bill walked into the family room where Dipper was checking out his new books. He playfully stretched up against the wall.

"How do I look, Dipper?" Dipper looked up from his story.

"Oh ew, dude, you're legs are like jungles please put them away," Dipper pleaded, shielding his eyes. Bill chuckled, looking down at his legs.

"They look fine. Where is everyone?"

"Mabel is probably putting stickers everywhere, Soos went home, and Grunkle Stan is doing old man stuff. Let's hope it doesn't have anything to do with those magazines," Dipper uttered, cringing as he remembered that his great uncle owns multiple 'fully-clothed women' magazines.

Bill hummed, rubbing his legs.

They weren't THAT hairy, were they?


End file.
